This question was submitted to Kids Help Phone by a young person and answered by one of our professional counsellors. Before you start reading, we want to let you know the following question mentions family conflict and mention of body image that may be upsetting.
Question
My mom died when i was [edit: age] and i miss her a lot. My dad got remarried last year with a woman from [edit: country]. She has a daughter (19 years old). At first I was kinda excited to have more girls in the house.We went to [edit: country] on a trip. They were actually pretty mean to me. Calling me fat, hurting me, insulting me, etc. I told my dad that I didn’t trust them and that I didn’t want them to move in. But my dad just got mad at me, he was telling me that i was disrespecting him because i didn’t show any trust towards him. Now they’ve moved in, the moved in about 3 months ago. It’s been absolute hell. We lost a lot of money, my step sister and step mom and dad are always fighting. and if ever they find me crying, they get mad at me. My dad is now trying to get them to leave but it’s kinda complicated. Now my dad is acting all nice to me because he know’s he should’ve trusted me when i said I didn’t anything from them. I hate it because i know he’s doing it out of pity. My step sister even [edit: content]. Now it’s Christmas eve and everyone is working so I’m home alone. I’m happy being alone because I can cry whenever i want without having anyone see and judge me. we’re loosing lots of money. Usually my dad always had over [edit: number] in his account, now we’re down to [edit: number]. I guess I’m just tired of it all. I don’ know what to do know. There are only two people i can talk to about this but i never get to see them. Honestly, I’m just exhausted, i want all of this to end
Answer
Thanks so much for writing in to us with what is going on for you. It sounds like things have been pretty stressful for you and your dad lately. I want you to know that I have edited parts of your post and your username to maintain your anonymity, I hope that’s okay. I want you to know that if you ever feel unsafe for whatever reason you can always call 911. It sounds like you have had an incident with your step sister that was quite concerning. It is never okay for someone to hurt you physically or emotionally on purpose. I want to encourage you to make a safety plan for yourself, just in case Safety tool: Abuse in the home. If you’d like to talk to someone about what’s going on, you can always give us a call on 1-800-668-6868, we are confidential, anonymous and here 24/7. Sometimes parents make mistakes, and don’t always listen to what their kids have to say. That is really frustrating to have to deal with, and it sounds like you’ve experienced a lot of hurt because of it. But I’m also hearing that your dad is now trying to fix things, which is positive. Sometimes it’s really challenging for adults to admit that they have made a mistake. I’m curious, do you think that your dad would be open to talking to you about how you feel about all of this? What do you think you would say to him if he was to sit down and listen to you? This article talks about how to talk to parents, which may be helpful for you. http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/Parents/talk_to_parents.html . I know that noticing a change in the family’s finances can be stressful, and can mean changes for the whole family. The thing is finances are the responsibility of the adults of the household, it shouldn’t be something that you take responsibility for. Does your dad know that you are concerned about this, what would happen if you told him how you were feeling about this? It sounds like for you, being alone, and being able to cry about things is helpful. Crying is a natural and healthy way to process emotions, so I encourage you to keep doing it. What other ways can you express yourself? Do you draw or dance or sing or write or go for walks or play a sport? The people you talk to, do you know how to get in touch with them by phone or email? What are some ways that you could spend time out of the house, maybe with friends after school? Whatever you do, it’s important to take care of yourself, and to do things that help you to feel strong or calm or good. This is especially important if you are feeling exhausted with the situation. I hope this helps you to think about what you can do to take care of yourself in all of this. Things will change eventually, they always do. Know that you can always give us a call. Take good care.
