This question was submitted to Kids Help Phone by a young person and answered by one of our professional counsellors.
Question
The guy that I like broke my heart almost 3 years ago. We go to the same school and he is 2 years older than me. I stalked him a lot before and I told him what I felt after a couole of months but he rejected me (2013) , I kinda moved on from him when he left (2014) I didn’t see him for a year and it made me really sad, I tried to change myself for him (for the better) I had a phobia on getting hit by a basketball so I never played sport but when he left I decided to play basketball since he loves basketball and it made me feel still connected to him even if he left. I also started joining other sport that maybe if I look physically better the next time he see me maybe he will like me. I thought I moved on from him after that year. But there was still times where I would remember him and be depressed.. after a year he came back (2015) to our school. All the feelings came back. It was like the same me 3 years ago, but a little bit better. Im starting to like him and obssess about him again. Christmas break is here and I’m really sad that I won’t be seeing him for the next 3 weeks.. I really want to move on, I’m tired of chasing him, tired of feeling being not good enogh. But there’s still a big part of me that’s still hoping that he will notice me. I tried to avoid him, but it’s really hard. Seeing him became part of my daily routine, his locker is near mine. We cross each other every day. i tried avoiding him but it makes my day crappy. I don’t know what to do.. I tried avoiding him, I really did. but its so tempting to look at him, everytime I look at him, he just calms me and makes me forget of my problems. I know I might sound over reacting but thats what I really feel. I don’t know what to do, I think he is good for me but at the same time bad for me..
Answer
Thanks so much for writing in! I’m so glad you did. You say that the guy you like broke your heart 3 years ago. Heartbreak is so hard. It really is. It sounds like his return to your school has triggered your memories of how much you used to like him. I say that because you mentioned you thought you moved on while he was gone….maybe you had moved on! It makes sense that seeing him again might bring back some of those feelings. You also mentioned that he rejected you in 2013 after you told him what you felt. Good for you for having the courage to say your feelings!!!! I’m really impressed with that. I’m so sorry you were rejected though. Rejection can hurt a lot. I was wondering if seeing him again might be triggering the feelings of rejection. And your desire to be have him notice you might be connected to that. I want you to know that you are not alone in feeling rejected. Everyone goes through feelings of rejection in their life and thankfully, time does heal them. And we learn and grow from those experiences. I found it interesting that you started doing sports! Let me ask you…do you like basketball and the other sports you are part of? Sports and exercise can really increase your energy and boost your mood so I am curious to see if you have liked it. I am also wondering what else you do for self-care and to nurture yourself. I ask this because you are on break now and it might be a great opportunity to treat yourself and give yourself space and time to recover and, as you talked about, move on 🙂 I want you to know that you can call our Couselling line any time you like to talk with us more about your feelings for him. You said you feel you are obsessing about him and sometimes, talking to someone else can help you break the repetitive thoughts. 1-800-668-6868. If you find yourself unable to stop thinking about him, try calling us and we can help distract you. Or how about a hot bath which can help ground you and reroute your thinking? Or a brisk walk outside! Or calling a friend to get together? I am also wondering about your family situation…do you spend time with them over the holiday break? Is that something that would help and be comforting? You know what Mayel? When people reject you or don’t “like” you, it is often a reflection of whatever is going on with them, NOT WITH YOU. It actually has nothing to do with you! Does that make sense? Often, we see what we want to see in people when we don’t know them. We imagine what they might be like. These days, that’s even easier with social media. I wonder….how much do you actually know about who this person is? What do you like specifically about him? Is it possible that he is not necessarily who you think he is? These questions are just “food for thought”…but if you’d like to talk with us and discuss some of your answers, please don’t hesitate to call in and talk with one of us. We’re available 24/7 on the phones and would love to hear from you! You can also check our website for live chat times in your area. I wish you all the best in moving on and remember you don’t have to do it alone. We can help you move! Keep in touch.
